i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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