I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
