Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
