A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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