On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
