I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
