i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
