I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
