Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
