Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
