She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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