god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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