upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
3pm strippers are depressing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
