fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
