seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
