First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
