He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pants are for mortals
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
