The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
