my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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