No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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