Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
