I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
