something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
