Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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