Cold hands, warm shart.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
