chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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