when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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