just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
