5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
