Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
