i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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