I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
