She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
