sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
