But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
