I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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