3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
