I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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