Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
