I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
