He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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