he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
