At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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