I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
