tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
