so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
