jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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