I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
