So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
