We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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